Good news everybody: Andrew Benson is back and joining us for the next few shows! We’re in rehearsal now for our next show at Sullivan Hall on the 21st. Hope to see you there!

In other news, we’ve landed our very own private rehearsal space! It’s amazing to have a little nook carved out for us… but it isn’t all perfect. Most notably, I’ll relate to you the tale of the Drugged-Out Crack Whore in the lobby.

While moving in this morning and waiting for the owner to show up (an extensive period of time),  we met a woman sleeping on the lobby couch. Soon we discovered not only was her English terrible, but she was a Drugged-Out Crack Whore. Her conversations were entertaining at first, but I made the mistake of being too friendly. Spencer, who is an expert at turning away both Drugged-Out Crack Whores and Drugged-Out Crack Gentlemen from his retail work, was much harsher, and rightly so. She quickly became an annoyance and a little scary. I found it hard to do anything but verbally keep her at bay. My entire concentration was consumed with carefully negotiating this Drugged-Out Crack Whore away from our persons and our stuff. But she didn’t move. She told us she was “waiting for her friend,” which was apparently every other person in the place. She had slept there all night, we suspect, and nursed a jug of vodka at regular intervals. When we were finally permitted entry to our space, she lunged at us and requested to come in and play drums. She was removed.

Some time later, we heard a disturbance. The owner of the rehearsal spaces, Tom, was outside, and had picked up the Drugged-Out Crack Whore and threw her onto the couch. He then proceeded to forcefully deliver a message:

“I don’t ever want to see you in this fucking place! Never! Never in this goddamn place. The next time I see you, it’s going to be the bad side of me or the police, and you’re not going to like either. Do you understand me?! Never.”

Even from within our little den, his power was supreme. I hope we’re never late getting him our rent.

Greetings all,

It is time for another Alex blog entry. While a certain band member may not appreciate my absolutely hilarious post about a unique aspect of the English language…and buffalos, his entry did give me my idea of what to talk about this week: memes.

The word meme was coined by Richard Dawkins in the 1970s and a concept used for explaining the spread of ideas and cultural phenomena. They can be melodies, catch-phrases, etc. For instance, the start Beethoven’s 5th Symphony…you know, the “Dun Dun Dun Dunnnnnnn”…

Classic...

Anywhosle, there is a whole field that studies memes, called memetics that was started in the 1990s. Basically, they just say that memes evolve by natural selection. If you really have any other questions about it, just wiki it.

With the introduction of the internet, the spread of information drastically increased. Now, for better or for worse, memes can form, change and dissolve in hours and days rather than years. Thank you 4chan.

Well, I think that has fulfilled my boring word quota for the week. Vlogs will still be released on Sunday and we will have a surprise for you guys very soon .

Take care,

-Alex

Hello Readers! Nick here. Firstly, to fill you in on band news, we had a show last Friday at Connolly’s Klub 45 in NYC midtown. Now, although we played to a good number of people, I think we learned an important lesson: 40 year-old business men do not find goblins amusing. Let’s just say we’re probably going to keep it below 14th St. from now on.

In other news, our producer, Eric Branting, is wrapping up production of the first of five tracks for the EP. “Wizard Pipe” is on it’s way. You may even score a special sneak preview of the track! Check back for news often and we’ll let you know when you can officially delight your ears in our auditory bath of awesome. “Stacks” is the next track to be completed…

In other news, I wanted to give a shout-out to the Gorillaz for another superb album. They’ve always been one of my favorite bands, and Plastic Beach is a really innovative album with a lot of personality. I’ve been listening to it a lot recently, so if you are looking for some new music, check it out; it may just be the best thing since espresso.

NEW VLOG premiering quite soon!

It has come to my attention, dear viewers, that I have not been posting near as much as my counterparts. Mostly because blogs are for losers and heathens and Nazis and I would not be caught dead writing a “blog post” of any kind. Now do me a favor: Scroll down. What do you see? That’s right, other posts. Now subtract the Vlogs that we, The Kobolds (mostly Alex), have painstakingly put together for your viewing pleasure. What do you have? A bunch of boring words. BORING WORDS. I scoff. Who reads this shit anyway? The motherfucker under me just wrote about buffalos! BUFFALOS! Need I say more? I think not.

Piece.

-Spencer

P.S. Some fucker was pretending to be me. That shit ain’t fly.

Hey all,

Today I am going to talk to you about buffalo. I was talking to a professor a few days ago and learned that the word buffalo is not only a noun, but a verb and a adjective. “To buffalo” means to intimidate and a person from Buffalo is a Buffalo person. Thus, “Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo.” is the only sentence you can use the same word eight times in a row.

It basically means “Buffalo-from buffalo-that are intimidated by-buffalo-from buffalo-intimidate-buffalos-from buffalo”.

Buffalo!

Just thought it was an interesting factoid.

Come to our show tomorrow! Check the gigs page!

Take care,

-Alex

Yesterday I received a parking ticket.

How the fuck am I supposed to know what the hell those demonic signs are trying to tell me to do?! It’s like trying to decipher hieroglyphics, but without the cultural significance.

This week my motherboard also failed, and I replaced it with an awesome model and installed Windows 7! I’m actually very impressed. Everything seems very smooth and creamy. Like maple tofu whip, but without the sticky after-muck. Footage of this replacement is available in the last video blog, below, if you’re curious. Spencer and Alex took to carpentry.

Tonight we had an interesting rehearsal. Things are looking exciting for the show! Tensions are flashing in these last few days before the show because we all want the best for the Kobolds, but we maintain our cool… also not unlike maple tofu whip. We may be breaking out a couple new numbers for those of you who saw our last show, and for all of you who didn’t make it, ALL NEW!

Come see us this Friday at Connolley’s Klub 45! Details on the gigs page.

Due to a lack of blog posts by Spencer, Alex decided to use his admin power to login as Spencer and do his best impression of what a Spencer post would be. Ahem…

Witty statement. Star Wars reference. Video Games. Sarcastic remark. ThunderCats rule! Classic Rock. Work complaint. Batman.

-Fake Spencer

Heyo all,

As the half-irish member of the band, I wish you all a Happy Saint Patrick’s day! A day where people drink large amounts of alcohol in order to celebrate all the snakes being removed from Ireland. Not really an American holiday…but I guess it makes as much sense as finding eggs and candy hid by a bunny because Jesus died…at least there is drinking.

Ohhhhh...now it makes sense...

In band news, we have been preparing for our next show at Connolly’s Klub 45 on the 26th. As Nick mentioned, we are in the process of writing a new song. We are also working out new theatrics and a new cover to add to our set.

Otherwise, look for another vlog this weekend.

Well, I am off to do an Irish jig.

My great, great, great grandfather...jigging it up...

Take care,

-Alex